The amount of kindness deferred without expectation and return truelly defines character.
What defines human character to emit positivity and forgiveness when faced with adversity?
I am no psychologist, actually I have no medical training whatsoever aside from a miserable attempt at a science degree in what feels like a lifetime ago.. but as someone who has spent a lot of time working in community services this question has pressed on me for a long time.
Now, this year has been tumultuous to say the least. Yet I have admittedly seen true omissions of kindness in these circumstances and albeit lost a few along the way.
I stumbled across this little gem on instagram today and it really made me question.. as always, the act of freewill and human emotion.
This weekend I attended a conference of only women, women who had the means to define true leadership within their own right whether it was through their families, their experiences and their social circles.
One thing that really stood out to me about these successful ‘well adjusted women’ was they each seemingly pursued their own journey and forged amazing feats by their optimistic and fiercely determined outlook.
Some of the greatest people I admire have indeed faced some pretty shitty circumstances.
Yet they did not sit there and wait for the world to owe them a favour and change their situations.
They gathered the rescources the supports and the genuine nature of innate strength they seemingly possessed to change their world instead.
I have noted that too often we can sit there and play the blame game, “why me??” “What did I do to deserve this?” “But he did this….she said that..”
“It’s not fair”
And you’re probably right.
Too often we can dwell on the crap that inundates us and we find ourselves saying “If only”
“If only I had more money, more time, a better job, an affordable mortgage, lower interest rates for my new car, a reliable car etc etc”
We continue to wait for circumstances to change instead of changing the circumstances ourselves.
I have learned adversity can be a powerful tool to allow us to draw from our strengths and weaknesses to determine our future outcomes. As well as to draw from the strengths and virtues in others.
By taking the resources we have, whether tangible or not and somehow wade through the mire of crap to do something about it.
Whether it be to an advance of an endless cycle of blame and self doubt, accusation and negativity… or to support enable and inspire us to grow and give back.
In current political times we can really see these two options pace out.
I believe it truelly is our lead role as women, as people, to remember each of us has a story. Yes, some worse than others but it is how we face our circumstances that really can allow us to be the nurturers, givers and enablers we were meant to be.
Whilst my year has been overwhelmingly difficult I have survived and one day I may share the how’s and why’s.
But I really feel that sometimes, as Ghandi pointed out it really is upto us to be the change we so desperately need….
But it is also just as important to allow ourselves to step back and allow those with the resources and time to assist that change.
If you can certainly change the circumstances yourself what are you doing to proactively contribute to the solution?
And if you’re just waiting like the famous little man from Dr. Suess’ book ‘Oh the places you’ll go,’ maybe you really need to take a step back and realise you are perhaps the answer you have been waiting for.
Be the supporter, be the enabler, be the game changer. Be as kind to yourself as you would to a friend and be as kind to a stranger as you would those you know. Despite it. Despite the fact that the world is cruel, heartless and ‘not fair’ despite yourself, despite others.
There is opportunity everywhere to change your circumstances ….and to assist others in their own.
And on a final note as I remind my daughter, if you can’t change it.. don’t worry because if you at least tried, there may just be someone out there who possibly can.
…That’s the art of kindness.
What did you do today to be a part of the solution?