I sit here with a borrowed pen
That i forgot to give back;
From the lovely staff at the hotel down the road.
I listen to Jeff Buckley and try ‘learning to fly’
Over and over again;
I want to cry but I won’t.
Yet I do.
I reflected yesterday on what I have lost.
Today. My hair brush. Last week my keys.
Probably boxed up somewhere in my car with a bunch of unnecessary salvaged items.
I rewind 6 months;
My dreams my hopes
My goals are certain.
I have a house
I rewind 4 months to a broken record.
I talk to my father about my vast dreams,
My future Ambitions,
And I am Determined.
I rewind 10 years of dreaming for my children…
Fixing broken hearts and skinned knees.
Four years ago I believed
I am a mother of 2
Scared and uncertain.
But I am a dreamer.
I am determined.
I am certain.
I am a survivor
No home just a place,
A mother who rebukes my pain.
Those who rebuke me as I have of my own without intent.
My own mother. My very heart.
I am the woman fighting the system for her rights.
In my own warfare with a peirced rock that is my own heart.
That I stole from my father with tears for him to somehow come back and save me from this mess.
My heart bleeds for my future.
I sit here with my borrowed wifi.
With a peice of paper i do not own.
It is my daughters.
My own disappointment.
I am broken,
I wait each day
With a means to type the words that are forever gone.
For that is all I can do;
For my children.
Hold. On. Pain.